Moving in with a significant other is a big commitment. With this decision, you decide to share space with your partner, as well as all the many details that constitute a shared life.
Safeguard your relationship and foster success by talking about the realities of cohabitating before you move in together.
Why are you doing it?
You may already have had a serious talk about where each of you feels your relationship is heading: Marriage? An extended courtship? If you have not had this discussion, then the time to communicate your reasons and expectations for moving in together is now. Whatever the status of your relationship, staying on the proverbial “same page” with your partner is essential to the success of living together.
Talk about money
Money concerns constitute a squeamish conversation for most of us. We’d like to be magnanimous and not worry about where the finances comes from, but the fact is that anxiety over money is a major sticking point for couples and can cause incredible tension in a relationship.
Make a date with your significant other to talk about the facts, such as how much each of you can afford for an apartment, and what your monthly incomes and expenses are. Will you split expenses equally, or does a disparity in your incomes or debt mean that a different balance makes more sense, at least for a period of time? Will you each have a formal rental responsibility in the lease, legally sharing the burden for paying rent to your landlord, or will one partner be ultimately responsible? These are important decisions to agree on up front.
Determine an exit strategy
It may not sound that romantic, but planning for possibilities — not matter how unlikely they might seem — is smart. Both partners should be interested in protecting themselves, just in case living circumstances change. Agree in advance how you will separate assets, such as shared furniture, appliances, or the custody of your beloved pet, in the event you decide to split up as a couple.
Also consider that cohabitation law can sometimes view property disputes between unmarried couples as if they were married. Figuring basic terms out before you move in together is good planning. And, as a lawyer would advise, “get everything in writing!”
Be adaptable
No matter how head-over-heels in love you might be, consider the reality of two personalities living under one roof. Try to be flexible in finding the natural rhythm of your strengths and weaknesses. Maybe one of you prefers cleaning to cooking, or grocery shopping to handling the recycling. Ideally, you’ll parse out the jobs equitably, but if that’s not happening, sit down and talk about solutions so that neither of you feels he or she is shouldering too much of the apartment work.
Moving in together is exciting and perhaps a little scary. It represents a “next step” in your relationship, and it also means you will get to spend a lot of living time together. When you share a home, you are truly sharing a life, so hold on and prepare for a new adventure!
